Rapper Tone Loc could have been a part of a clinical research organization (CRO), yet he instead took to singing songs and providing cautionary tales of late-stage drug development. Here, we present to you a case study of the experimental therapy known as Funky Cold Medina.
In 1989, Tone was identifying with Mick Jagger in failing to get satisfaction in the form of attention from women. Even though his “threads were fresh,” he was dealing with a condition he felt required medicinal intervention.
At a bar, he was referred to a possible remedy: Funky Cold Medina.
Not one to administer off-label drugs, Tone gathered information and acquired the chemical from fellow bar patrons. Satisfied with pre-clinical evaluation, Tone was ready to move into animal studies. Using his pet dog, he discovered that toxicity was well tolerated and the delivery method (licked his bowl) were successful.
The end result: “poodles run to my house.” As an additional benefit of the drug, the dog was previously “much, much meaner.”
In the human trials phase, Tone ran afoul of protocol and ethics when he administered the drug without properly documenting consent to the trial, with subject Sheena.
With a second patient, Tone volunteers himself and uses a diagnostic, “love connection,” to screen participants.
Carefully recording his experiences with Funky Cold Medina, Tone found the drug met its targets. However, side effects included: “Sheena was a man” and talk of marriage.
Principal investigator Tone Loc promptly dumped the drug down the storm drain. “Ya know what I’m sayin’. That Medina’s a monster, y’all.”
Hire a reputable CRO with experience in patient recruitment and ethical guidelines. Also, please don’t dump anything in storm drains.